……Continued
Clementine inched closer and closer toward me and started rubbing my back. I won’t lie to you- that girl could give a massage… But thinking of the ugly creature that was rubbing me immediately turned off all of the good vibrations that I was feeling. Think of it this way… Would you want Christopher Walken giving you a massage? That’s what I thought…
Anyhow, Clementine relentlessly rubbed my muscular back as she tried to spit game with me. “You be so strong my little Clydesdale” she kept saying. She slowly inched her way forward and there she was face to face with me. Oh no, she was going to plant one on me and I was going to get aids or sars or something. I had to do something to stop the kiss from happening…. I did the only thing that I could think of... I smacked her right square in the face. This was no light blow, this blow was reminiscent of Sugar Ray Leonard. Then I heard a voice…
“Phoenix…. Phoenix” the voice kept saying to me. “Phoenix, wake up you are done with surgery”. Oh no… You have got to be kidding me I thought. Was that seriously just a dream? I looked around and noticed that I was there again… At the dreaded Arboretum View-Seattle Grace Hospital. Looks like Clemetine and the Mexico trip was merely a figment of my anesthetics. It also looked like at I punched my nurse in the face, not Clementine… Oh well, I will just pull a Jamie Fox and blame it on the ah ah ah ah ah alcohol if she decides to press charges.
With surgery number two now under my collar, I was an old pro. The results were more promising this time around as well. When the doctors split open my belly, they found that I did indeed have a liver shunt. A shunt is an abnormal blood vessel that bypasses the liver, which prevents blood from being cleansed. In layman's terms.. The shunt was causing bladder stones which made my wee wee hurt when I took a tink.
Fast forward a few weeks and here I am again... Still staying at my grandparent's house until my ma decides to pick up her broke ass and find us a place of our own. Needless to say, I do appreciate everything that my mama has done for me. She sold her car and works the vampire shift at a diner that they call Diamonds in order to pay medical bills. She is truly the most remarkable and wise woman that I know.
While recovering, my ma gave me some of the best advice that anyone could give me. She said "Phoenix, life is like a pooper scooper, you never know the size of shit that you're going to deal with everyday." These words were like chicken soup for my soul. I realized at that moment that I was put on earth for a purpose. That purpose was far more important than what I had previously thought that I was put on earth for (to be eye candy for all miniture breed dogs).
I knew that I needed to do something special. Maybe I would take a trip or go on a sabatacle.. You know, real Eat, Pray, Love type shit. I couldn't be bitter anymore for the cards that baby Jesus dealt me. I wouldn't hold a grudge for having to go on my new special rice and egg diet. Telling me to stay away from meat was like telling Lindsey Lohan to stay away from cocaine... It would be a daunting task to say the least, but with my new perspective on life- I was up for the challenge.
My purpose in life is still a little unclear, so I will have to find it somehow. Everyone has a purpose, even Pee Wee Herman and Richard Simmons have a purpose.. Don't ask me what it is, but I know that they do. I know that these next few days will be the most important days in my two years on this earth. Please bare with me as I search my soul for my true calling in life.
I will write back soon as I know my words inspire millions. In the meantime... Think about your purpose in life. Is it to put those big boats in the tiny glass bottles? Is it to go out and sell wrapping paper door to door for discounted prices? Or could it be to put the "made in china" sticker on objects? No matter how big or small... We all have a purpose. Stay tuned for mine, folks!
Much Love,
Phoenix
